Encouraging myself

I've been walking every morning for awhile now.

I do it...alone. Early each morning, right after waking up.

Sometimes the dog goes with me, but he's more of a nuisance than a companion sometimes so I like to leave him at home. My walking is for me, and me alone.

I walk under the cloak of darkness, Zune at my side, pushing me, song by song, to finish the course up the hill, then back down.

I would like to think that someday, I could begin running again. That is my goal, but it's a goal I feel won't happen.

The other morning, when no cars were anywhere near me, I tried something that I hadn't tried in over three years. I tried to run. It was more of a jog but it certainly wasn't a walk. I only made it 30-40 yards. As I jogged, I looked at my shadow from the bright moon shining overhead. My form appeared to look normal for an overweight 40-year old guy. But, inside my body, because of my numb foot and the weakness in my leg (caused by the blown discs in my lower back), I felt like Tiny Tim from "A Christmas Carol" trying to quickly get his crutch back from the neighborhood kid who just threw it down the hallway. (That didn't happen in the story, but if it had, and poor little Timmy made an effort to retrieve it, that's how I felt when I was jogging).

This morning, after not walking for several days due to our traveling all over the NE part of the state during the Thanksgiving holiday, I went on the walk again. But today wasn't so kind. My right leg, the strong one, began cramping up. Toward the end, it almost felt like I had shin splints. I remember those from running track. Tonight, my achilles tendon on my left foot, the numb one, is really sore.

Discouraging. But, I'm going back at it tomorrow. I will stay on this course. I will push through the obstacles of minor aches and pains and continue to better myself. I can be a very stubborn person. I need to be stubborn and self-serving with this routine so that one day I can jog to the end of the block...then work my way up the hill. And once I make it up the hill, enjoy the jog back down.

Eventually, I will run. I'll run for the first time, again. One day, I will run a 5K. One day, I'll be able to run...in the sunlight...where people can see me. One day, I will defeat these things that weigh upon me.

But until then, I will walk, knowing that with each step, I am getting closer to a better me. And that makes it, no matter how long it takes, all worth it.

Three months later, here I am.

I'm pleased with myself. And, at the same time, deserve a giant kick in the butt. Today...Saturday...I was up too early for a Saturday morning and I chose to go out and walk. The same walk I make during the week. But, today was Saturday. That never happens on Saturday's. I almost went an extra couple of miles but the distant shotgun blasts from the bird hunters were freaking out Sonny and he starts pulling so hard on the leash, I might as well pick him up by his neck and carry him home in a chokehold that would intimidate any MMA fighter on the circuit today.

So yeah, the walk happened. It might even happen tomorrow (dare I say it?) on Sunday! We'll know the answer to that in several hours.

I need the kick in the butt because during the week, I look for any excuse to not get out of bed and take the walk. And sometimes, the bed wins. That means I lose. I don't like losing...uness I'm losing weight!

SIDENOTE...just switched over to SNL. I'm not, and never have been, a fan of Dave Matthew's Band.

This blog entry was really for the Fair Weather Runner who chided me for not blogging anymore. I ♥ blogging! (That's how she would write it.) But, dang it takes more time than I've had. My kids' activities and work assignments have tested our limits and when I have downtime, I don't necessarily want to sit in front of the computer to compose a personal essay. I guess that's why I've been so happy with Twitter lately. If something's on my mind, I can sign on to Tweetdeck, pop off my thought, and away I go. That's why I include my tweets over in the right margin of this blog. Twitter for me is like "Gov's Stuff...The Rest of the Story". On facebook, I'll update my status maybe once a day. On Twitter, you get all kinds of stuff that passes through this amazingly versatile stream of consciousness I'm floating around in. Twitter has been my blog lately. But, doing this is great. I love doing this when time allows. And tonight, time was on my side.

Let's talk music very briefly (because I'm thirsty and my water bottle is all the way upstairs!)

I LOVE the new Switchfoot CD "Hello, Hurricane". I'm enjoying the new Thousand Foot Krutch CD "Welcome to the Masquerade". I enjoy ALL of the music on the hit TV show "Glee" (which I'm proud to say is on the tv network I'm affiliated with!). My newest discovery comes from a friend in Norway (the country, not the town in Kansas). She told me about Aleksander With. Here's the song. It reminds me of Mike & The Mechanics.



What am I watching on TV, you ask? "Glee", "Modern Family", "Cougar Town". We've recorded 'The Office", '30 Rock", and 'Survivor" but have not started them yet. We're still trying to finish up last season's Lost (one more episode to go), last season's "24' and last season's "Friday Night Lights", neither of which we've started. See? We're busy people with no time for the important and pleasing things in life, like television, which is my livelihood. And, I'm dying of thirst. So this entry is done. Until next time.