I've been walking every morning for awhile now.
I do it...alone. Early each morning, right after waking up.
Sometimes the dog goes with me, but he's more of a nuisance than a companion sometimes so I like to leave him at home. My walking is for me, and me alone.
I walk under the cloak of darkness, Zune at my side, pushing me, song by song, to finish the course up the hill, then back down.
I would like to think that someday, I could begin running again. That is my goal, but it's a goal I feel won't happen.
The other morning, when no cars were anywhere near me, I tried something that I hadn't tried in over three years. I tried to run. It was more of a jog but it certainly wasn't a walk. I only made it 30-40 yards. As I jogged, I looked at my shadow from the bright moon shining overhead. My form appeared to look normal for an overweight 40-year old guy. But, inside my body, because of my numb foot and the weakness in my leg (caused by the blown discs in my lower back), I felt like Tiny Tim from "A Christmas Carol" trying to quickly get his crutch back from the neighborhood kid who just threw it down the hallway. (That didn't happen in the story, but if it had, and poor little Timmy made an effort to retrieve it, that's how I felt when I was jogging).
This morning, after not walking for several days due to our traveling all over the NE part of the state during the Thanksgiving holiday, I went on the walk again. But today wasn't so kind. My right leg, the strong one, began cramping up. Toward the end, it almost felt like I had shin splints. I remember those from running track. Tonight, my achilles tendon on my left foot, the numb one, is really sore.
Discouraging. But, I'm going back at it tomorrow. I will stay on this course. I will push through the obstacles of minor aches and pains and continue to better myself. I can be a very stubborn person. I need to be stubborn and self-serving with this routine so that one day I can jog to the end of the block...then work my way up the hill. And once I make it up the hill, enjoy the jog back down.
Eventually, I will run. I'll run for the first time, again. One day, I will run a 5K. One day, I'll be able to run...in the sunlight...where people can see me. One day, I will defeat these things that weigh upon me.
But until then, I will walk, knowing that with each step, I am getting closer to a better me. And that makes it, no matter how long it takes, all worth it.
3 comments:
We all have our challenges that seem impossible... but with Him all things ARE possible. Keep striving for your goal. You have a great attitude!
you are awesome 'gov' ;) and good for you for keeping on. and you are so right, no shame in walking, in fact i think it's way better for our bodies than running anyway. so i'll be out there, somewhere... in two weeks, walking too. and i believe that you will run a 5k too, and i bet it's sooner than you think!
Stick with it Mike...Ive lost 70 pounds in two years just by walking every night for 45 minutes and keeping my carb intake to 60 grams per meal. Now I walk and run for 5 minutesdown this one long road....
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